Disclaimer: I know the conclusion I come to in this article is a subject that many people disagree on.  I also understand that many of my own readers may vehemently disagree with me on the issue.  Believe it or not, I’m OK with that.  I’m even OK if you want to discuss it in the comments.  All I ask is that you keep it civil, on subject, and absent of vulgarity.  Actually, these are good rules to follow if you want your comments accepted anywhere on this site.

I am not a parent nor do I pretend to be an expert on the subject of parenting. I do however know a bit about computers, the Internet and yes even Facebook.  You have to realize that there are real dangers in the online world and what I have seen first hand is a lack of understanding these dangers on the part of quite a few youngsters and perhaps even their parents.

What I would like to share with you in this post are several safety blunders I have personally seen children and teens make on Facebook.

1.  Young people are being irresponsible about who they choose as friends.

Do me a favor and ask a teen if they know all of the people who happen to be their friends on Facebook.  I’ve asked a few and almost every one of them gave me the same answer.  If you know anything about staying safe online, you know you ought to know your friends in social networks.  Many young people don’t see the danger of not following this rule of thumb and often befriend people they don’t know, whether they are friends of friends or total strangers altogether.  That’s danger one: befriending strangers.

There is also the danger of befriending bad friends. OK, let me have it.  ”My kids would never make bad friends.”  Or “My kids should have the freedom to make their own choices.”  I’ve heard them both.  I am of the belief that while they are under your roof and you are responsible for their actions, you’d better be concerned about who your kids are hanging out with.  As they are growing you need to be INTIMATELY involved in directing them in their choices.  Oh, and yes, your kids do make mistakes.  Just so you know

2.  Young people are being irresponsible with personal information.

I constantly see young people sharing personal information on Facebook.  I can’t tell you how many cell phone numbers I’ve seen pass by my stream of updates.  I’ve even seen addresses shared, right there as a public status update.  This, especially coupled with the first mistake on this list, could have all kinds of dangerous implications.

By the way, they’re not only sharing their own personal information, but other people’s too.  Sounds weird but I’ve seen it.

The rule here is, even if you are careful with who you choose to befriend, you must also share information as if the whole world can see it.  This means being extremely cautious as to what personal information you share.

3.  Young people are being irresponsible in how they communicate.

Have you taught your children how to communicate with others?  Good.  Take a look at how they interact with other people online for the whole world to see.  What kind of language do they use (including those acronyms)?  Are they abusive with their online speech?  Are they being abused by others?  Who are they talking about behind the back?  If you aren’t concerned, you ought to be.

You might be saying to yourself, “But I am one of their friends on there so I can see what they are saying.”  Don’t be fooled.  Facebook has given users so much flexibility in how they share information.  They can actually set an update so that certain people can be blocked from seeing it.  This means that you can see everything that is said except these messages.

My point is simple.

While you are responsible for your children, you need to be more involved in their online lives.  As difficult as it may turn out to be, this means you need full access to their Facebook accounts.  You should have a relationship where they know you have access and that it is because you love them.

It is with this conclusion that many people will probably argue. “Shouldn’t you trust your own kids?”  Well, yes and no.  You need to be responsible for them.  ”Don’t my kids have the right to their privacy?”  Not while you are responsible for their actions.  It’s your job to keep them safe from harm and to train them up into the adults of the future.  Feel free to give them the freedom of a Facebook account but only if you are ready to take responsibility for them.

That’s my take on the subject.  What say you?

I have already given some pointers about how to stay safe on the ”Wild Wild Web” but today I want to give some tips specifically forkeeping children safe on the Internet.  We know that the Internet is a very huge source of information.  I see it as an unending source of knowledge and to hinder the use or the knowledge of such a tool would be almost crippling.  I know that sounds strong but, if you think about it, almost anything you want to research is on there.  Don’t get me wrong, the library is still a very necessary tool and should not be replaced but supplement.  I am saying the Internet is valuable.

The reason I bring it up is that the fear of the dangers the Internet can move parents to totally cut any connection.  Well, I would like to give some safety tips in order to keep your child safe while utilizing such a tool:

1.  Be Involved!

Be involved in your child’s life!  Create an atmosphere that you child can come to you and talk to you about things that happen and what they learn.  Ask them questions.  Accompany them.  Share with them.  The next point is imperative to doing this:

2.  Learn All You Can

Are you ever faced with the problem of your kids knowing more about computers and the Internet than you do?  This is a very common problem.  It is often difficult to know what your kids may be up to if they know how to keep things out of reach for you.  Well, the bad news is that this may never change.  It’s just the way it is!  I was a teen when the Internet became mainstream (mid-90′s) so I kind of grew up learning about it as it developed, but as fast as the Internet changes, I find it almost impossible to find the time to keep up with EVERYTHING the web has to offer.  Someone a few years older may find it even more difficult because PC’s weren’t really around while growing up.  We need to do our best to keep up with the times.  We need to learn about “Myspace” and “Facebook” and whatever new tech comes out.  We need to learn what sites our kids visit.  A good filtering program can help us with this:

3.  Filter, Filter, Filter

Find a good filtering program and then don’t totally rely on it.  Let me explain the benefits and then explain the dangers of solely relying on it.  A good filtering program will give you the flexibility to block such content as language, nudity, violence, and dangerous sites containing viruses and such.  A good filtering program will also log such things as sites visited, attempts to disable, time spent, etc.  The program I use will even let you designate the hours to allow access to the Internet.  The tools are almost invaluable to keeping your children safe.  My advice would be to be open with your kids about what is being filtered and logged.  Explain to them the importance of accountability in everyone’s life, even adults.  Another good idea would be for each parent to come up with and memorize half of the password.  This way the children will know that the parents are being held accountable AND that any changes to be made are known and approved of by both.  The filtering software I use is K9 Web Protection.  All this being said, you should not rely totally on a software program.  The involvement of parents is imparative.  Besides, sometimes software fails and you want to be involved in case it does.

4.  Limit Time

Another great use for K9 Web Protection is the ability to limit internet use to setup time frames.  You have the control to set specific times the kids are allowed to be online.  As useful as the internet is, moderation is key!  The temptation would be for children to constantly be online.  Well, the temptation does not stop with children, does it?  You can set it so the only time the internet can be accessed is when people are around.  There is a need to limit time spent and software can’t replace the parents but it can HELP.

5.  Social Networking Standards

Social networking is huge right now.  If it’s not big in your home, believe me, it probably is in the homes of the kids’ friends.  Oh, and it’s HUGE in the homes of preditors!  What we have here are two specific ways the social networking sites can be dangerous: your kids’s expression and misbehavior, and an inlet for preditors into the lives of your kids.  I remember reading about a year ago some articles by prominant Christian authors about the dangers of Myspace.  Many of the dangers are real and they are present on other sites too.  What we end up with is minors expressing themselves on their pages in ways they would never dream of in public OR in front of their parents.  Obviously if a child is expressing themself in an undesireable way, there are other issues that need to be dealt with.  However social networking sites become dangerous because such expression ends up in public.  Also, preditors go where they can find victims without supervision and believe me they know about the opportunities that the internet afford!

All of that being said, should you just ban your children from the use of such sites (K9 can do this for you)?  If you as a parent sees this as necessary, by all means, be my guest.  You can definitely save a lot of fuss by going that route.  However, if there is a certain set of standards set up, socail networking sites can be safe.  Most sites have settings that can keep just anyone from seeing your profile, make it so comments are moderated by the user before they are public, friends are agreed apon before being added, etc.  Certain peices of information should not be shared publically:  address, phone number, email address, parents’ names, birthdays, whether parents are home, whether the home is empty, etc.  Most of this may seem obvious but when a stranger is befriending you and you begin to trust him/her, they can begin asking questions to get the info they need.  Parents NEED to be involved in this aspect of the kids’ lives.  Know every friend on their lists!  In fact, be one of the friends on their lists! There should be no secrets here.  The child may not like it but this is too important!  Talk to your kids about social networking standards and then be there to protect them!

6.  Teach Your Children Good Internet Practices.

I won’t go into much detail here but I just did a post about staying safe on the internet; you can refer to that for further help.

7.  Get The Internet Out of the Child’s Bedroom!

Move the computer into a public place in the home, immediately!! In fact I would say the same thing about the television and cable.  Wondering what you child is be exposed to?  Well, make accountability a bit easier by bringing everything into the light.  Less temptation and more information.  They may “hate” you now, but they will love you later!

8.  Rules About Strangers In the Real World Apply On the Internet

Many of the rules that apply to strangers in the real world apply online.  Check out this site for some good safety tips concerning strangers: http://www.itsamomsworld.com/strangersafety.html

9.  Teach Them How Much and What Type of Information is Appropriate To Share

Children need to understand that any information shared online can be used to hurt them.  I already touched this when talking about social networking sites, but it deserves and honorable mention!  Teach them to be vague and to never share personal information.  In fact, teach them what personal information is!

10.  Instill a Healthy Fear

In this case, fear, reverence, and respect for the dangers on the internet is healthy!  Talk to them about the reasons you are so strict with them about the computer and the internet.  Have them put themselves in your shoes as their parent so they can see how you’d feel if anything ever happened to them!  Fear shouldn’t imobilize us motivate us to do what is best.

That is the 10 ways to keep your kids safer online.  It is possible I missed something so if I did, feel free to comment!